Roses and Rain

**********  If you are in a relationship, of any kind,  where you are being physically or emotionally abused, please do NOT read this post.  You are in a dangerous place, and I strongly urge you to get out, now.  *************




I keep seeing "words of wisdom" that advise that, in order to get what you want in this life, you should ditch what you don't want.  Again and again. 

I'll admit that, on the surface, this is a seductive concept.
  Dump everything that is uncomfortable, painful, over-crowded.  Emerge from the cleansing stripped clean of the psychological and physical dirt that has accumulated over time.  Walk forward into the next phase free to do, and be, whatever it is that you choose.

It just might work for me.

If I lived on an island.

Alone.

In the real world, though, this is just so much new-age hooey.  There - I said it.  Send out the lynch mob.  

I call bullshit, and here's why. I happen to be rather smitten with a whole lot of people in my world.  I'm fairly confident that you have at least one or two people who are pretty important to you, too.  And therein lies the problem.

The moment you enter into a relationship with another person, your time on this rock (outside of your own head) is no longer solely your own.  In order to experience connection with another human being you must open yourself up, at least a little, so they can truly see you, and you can make room in your soul for them.  The stronger the connection, the more open you must allow yourself to be.  You open your life to them, and they to you.  It is a gorgeous thing.

It is, however, guaranteed that, at some point, that other person will do or say something that hurts you.  Their choices will make you uncomfortable.  You will feel the need to push against them to reclaim some of that space,  either physical or psychological. Life, in all it's messy glory, will happen and, over time, you will realize that the relationship has aspects that are bloody heavy.  You will get tired from carrying the weight of it.

Chances are it is the same for them.  

Ooooh, that stings, doesn't it?  

Simply by being a separate person within a relationship you will do/say/decide things that are not pleasing to the other party.  You will rub them the wrong way.  You will piss them off.  They will be disappointed. They will not like you very much some times.  It sucks when the mirror is held up, but please know it is true.

You are flawed.  Imperfect.  Self-centered.  Down-right messy.  Human.

Just. Like. The. Other. Person.

If you can own your humanity, your separateness, within the relationship, you will find that you can accept the same from the other person.  The result is game-changing.  I promise.  

That being said, I question the wisdom of discarding a part of your life simply because it is challenging.  Difficult.  Painful.  Heavy.  

To quote the old song, "I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden.  Along with the sunshine, there's gonna be a little rain sometimes."

Sometimes, rose gardens feature thorns.  Sometimes, rain brings a rainbow.

You will never know if you don't stick around to find out.